sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
