you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize