wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
