oh god the rape fog is back!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How external is "for external use only"?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
