You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
