don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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