M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm getting married
To pizza
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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