Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
