Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
