I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
