Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you didnt know i had herpes?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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