I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
