Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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