Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
