My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
