I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
