$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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