Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
