quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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