please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
