i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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