he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
