I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
