There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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