Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
