Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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