Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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