I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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