I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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