you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
