this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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