Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
