dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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