My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
