i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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