ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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