For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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