when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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