Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
