god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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