we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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