So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
