My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
