my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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