i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
