The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
