life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize