Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The uberlube is also flammable
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
