i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Couch. On fire.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
