You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
