Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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