Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
