do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize