We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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