her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
