Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
