Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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