I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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