i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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