i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
