I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
