Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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