As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You are the jesus of drinking
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
